with your own penis?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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