Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
