So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
