instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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