Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
