He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
