Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
