why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
