her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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