can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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