Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
