Pants 0. Shit 1.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
