I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
