The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
