yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be naked everywhere
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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