He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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