from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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