The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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