the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I can't put those talents on a resume
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
