Your tits are I can't wait for
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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