I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
