Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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