Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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