Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
