I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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