Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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