You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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