Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
