Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
