My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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