Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
