i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize