Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
