It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
