I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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