well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Vodka?
Forever.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
