You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
