Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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