bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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