Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
