Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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