I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
