It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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