yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
