guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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