so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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