I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
