remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
