We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
