I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just high enough for therapy.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Will exercising make me less horny?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
