never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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