Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
