my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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