How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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