Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
