Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
