I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Did we literally take a cab across the street
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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