just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he thought i was a dude.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
