dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Found your dick twin last night
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
