He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
