"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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