you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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