he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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