This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
