the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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