VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My ass is underappreciated
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
