...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He? As in you personified your dick?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
