Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
