mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
