No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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