Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
