meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
