Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Alive.
So much puke
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
