You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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