I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
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