Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
