the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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