life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I woke up under a house in Key West
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
