New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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