I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
