you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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