Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
